Buddha

I am sore. Very, very sore.

I was a little nervous about the meditation retreat as I had NO clue what to expect and Google search did not produce any findings to help ease my nerves! It was, after all, only a night, and I can do a night!

I decided I would take the red truck to the temple where we needed to meet. I had taken the red truck before for 40 baht when the nice tuk-tuk man helped me! I knew better than to try and pick one up as it was passing, so my plan was to walk down to where my man sat at his table. I knew he would say the yellow bus wouldn’t take me there (well he doesn’t really speak English but I knew that’s what he would TRY and say) but my hope was he would show me where the red buses were that DID take me there! He told me the yellow bus was no good and I needed a taxi! BUT I didn’t want to take a taxi as it was double the price. I walked around aimlessly for a while thankful that I had left EXTRA early as I knew this was going to be a problem. I do NOT like the public transportation in Chiang Mai..I don’t get it! Finally I found a red truck and explained where I needed to go and she said 60 baht. I tried to say I went for 40 baht before, but then realized I needed to GET there so it didn’t matter WHAT it cost because I needed to pay it!

I arrived at the temple in time and luckily (since I had been before for the Monk Chat) I knew right where to go. There were some other people in the room filling out their forms etc. Now I had read on their website I needed to bring a copy of my passport and visa and while I do have those, they’re for me! Not to give away. But I did bring my passport. I also needed a recent photo. Now I may be out of the loop but do most tourists carry around recent photos? I played dumb and said, “Oh I didn’t know I needed one” but one guy didn’t have a photo or his passport and just needed to write his passport number down (which is what I did). But then these two guys behind me said they had made a photocopy right next door, so I decided to do that! I was VERY excited as I could tell they were from the U.S. (love that American English).

I found the place to make copies and she held up 2 fingers so I thanked her, gave her 20 baht and walked out as she was yelling something. I finally realized she was talking to me and turned around to see her laughing. She meant TWO baht (makes sense with the two fingers) but it just seemed so cheap (you can’t buy ANYTHING for 2 baht) that I figured she meant 20! After getting my change and regaining my pride I went back to wait for the retreat to start.

I started talking to the two boys (Ely and Beau) and said how it’s funny that in a second I can tell if people are from the U.S., Australia, England, etc. They said how they can tell accents apart too, but for Thai’s we are just lumped into “English speaking people”. Anyway Ely is Lebanese but from D.C. (do you have ANY idea how nice it was to say I am from NEW HAMPSHIRE and have someone know where that is!?) and just graduated from University of Maryland in December. He has a job (business) starting in March so is taking some time to travel now! His cousin, Beau, is from Colorado and came over to join him!

I picked up my white outfit (we all needed to wear white) and then we all went into a room for a talk. There were 12 of us. Myself, Ely, Beau, a girl from Switzerland, 2 girls from Australia, 2 girls from Germany, a man from Belgium, an older woman who came in late and a couple from England. The couple from England (Kerry ended up being my roommate) have been traveling for THREE YEARS! Well this is their third year. I couldn’t believe it when she told me! They said they have been to South America, Central America, North America, New Zealand and Australia and are about to finish up now! I tried to ask HOW they could afford to do this (without being nosey and rude) and they said they saved up and worked at a hostel for 5 months in New Zealand to make some money back. Now I LOVE to travel..but for 3 years? No thanks! That’s all I have about the people because the retreat was in silence! So once it started I couldn’t find out everyone else’s story! But there you have it!

For about 2 hours we had an ‘introduction to Buddhism and meditation’ lecture, and I am sorry to say I was bored out of my mind! The monk’s voice literally put me to sleep, I was dying! Haha! SOME of it was interesting but there was something so relaxing about his voice, but I tried SO hard to stay awake!

After the 2 hour talk we loaded into the red trucks to head off to the meditation center. I had NO idea where it was, but we ended up driving for about 45 minutes! We arrived at the center and learned it was 6 years old. There was a two floor building (looked like a motel) that houses the guests (us..up to 100 people); a place where the monks stayed; a dining hall; a meditation room; and a room for the head monk (or something).

We had to stay with someone else (a bit awkward) and men and women couldn’t stay together so Kerry and I roomed together! It just sort of happened and she seemed nice on the bus so I thought it was a good choice! The room was fine, two beds, a small little closet and a bathroom! We put our things down in the room and changed into our white clothes! We also whispered in the room (shhh don’t tell the monks)! But it was very strange to share a room with someone you can’t really talk to (or shouldn’t talk to).

Since we had some free time before dinner most of us just walked around. There wasn’t much to the retreat center but the sun was setting so you could sit out and not feel hot.

The bell rang for dinner and we entered the dining hall. Since we were a small group there was only one dish for us, some noodle thing. We all got our food and then sat down to say a “prayer” of some sort, which I found very interesting. One of the main things I took away was how we shouldn’t eat for pleasure; we should eat to fulfill our hunger and gain strength! Now, you all should know by now that I EAT FOR PLEASURE! It was very interesting to take time before a meal (I was starving and it was killing me that the food was right there) to think about why we eat, what we eat, etc. I did find it a BIT ironic as I didn’t like the meal AT ALL and really was eating because I was hungry! BUT, I am hoping to remember this as I start my diet after arriving home! They did have pineapples as well and I just LOVE the pineapples here so I was fine!

We ate in silence, which was kind of nice as you didn’t have to make small talk, but I enjoy getting to know people and it was a bit weird..12 strangers eating in silence.

We had a quick bathroom break and Kerry and I almost missed the bell (they bang this bell/gong type thing to let you know “it’s time”). We then entered the room where we would be practicing our meditation and there were mats on the floor for us and a raised platform for the monk (there was a main monk, and another one who literally said nothing the entire time).

Our first meditation “thing” was a chant. We sat on our knees (I QUICKLY learned how uncomfortable I found this..) and repeated a chant in Thai. We were awful and at one point (yes I got distracted) I looked to see Kerry’s boyfriend trying not to laugh because we were all mumbling! The monk slowed down since we were just repeating him! So we said a chant and throughout it bowed three times (to Buddha, etc) and then we could “sit comfortably”.

Our first actual meditation was with our ears. We would sit (cross legged and hands on knees..kind of like what you see in the movies minus the “hummmmmm”) and “mindfully close our eyes” and then I don’t know what the monk used but some bell thing to listen to! I enjoyed it, although I could NOT, for the life of me, clear my mind! It was crazy all these RANDOM thoughts running through it! I never really REALIZED how much my mind runs!

After the bell exercise we practiced ‘walking meditation’ outside. A few people in our group said they had practiced meditation before, but never walking. It was very interesting and different. We started out standing, and chanted, “staaannndddding, staaannndddding, staaannndddding” followed by, “intending to walk”. We would then lift up our right foot as we said “right” move it forward as we said “go” and put it back down as we said “thus”. When it was time to turn, we would say, “tuuurrrrnnnning, tuuurrrrnnnning, tuuurrrrnnnning” and then start again with “staaannndddding”. It was SO difficult because I never had to concentrate on walking! Sometimes I was too fast, sometimes too slow, sometimes I almost fell over (not just me..it wasn’t a blonde thing) but it was interesting to do something so different! It sounded like a robot and probably looked very cultish. I almost did feel like I was being brainwashed with the way the chanting went, but after a while I got used to it!

We came back inside to do meditation lying down (YES!) It actually wasn’t as comfortable as you would think, but I found it to be a much more natural position to relax! Everything was going smoothly, until someone started to snore! Oh I almost died..it was SO loud! It ended up being Beau and it was just obnoxious. Needless to say I did NOT feel very relaxed.

We were almost done for the night and ended with some more chanting in an uncomfortable position. We were rewarded, however, with tea and cookies! YUM! It was about 9:30pm and time for bed and even though I was tired I really couldn’t fall asleep! It was a bit strange because Kerry was SO sweet but we weren’t really able to talk. So we were both just kind of hanging out in the room! We both read for a bit and then tried to go to sleep! Now, I am used to hard beds, but NOTHING, NOTHING could prepare me for this bed! It was like sleeping on the floor, but it squeaked! My pillow, on the other hand, was about 3 feet tall! At 11:30pm I was still awake and told myself I would NOT look at my watch anymore. I don’t think I did until 4:00amish when I couldn’t fall back to sleep knowing I had to wake up at 5:00am!

Our monk was telling us how they only sleep a little bit each night. He was saying how they go to bed with a clear mind, so not only do they fall right asleep but they sleep soundly. Even though they wake up a few hours later they have slept peacefully, as he said. I found this very interesting as I always have trouble falling asleep because my mind is wandering.

The bell rang at 5:00am on the dot and we got ready. I HAD to have a snack as I cannot go more than 5 minutes without eating after I wake up. We all had some tea and met in the room for more meditation.

We did the same chant again and I was SO sore from the bed, pillow AND yesterday! We started off with a sitting meditation, then a walking meditation (both similar to the ones we had already done) and then a different type of sitting meditation. It is meant to be used when you are tired and don’t want to fall asleep (us newbie’s do that..after you practice and get good you don’t). Now, it looked just like the Macarena. I don’t say that to make fun, but at first I was like, really? It was a 14 count movement and we moved our hands all around and counted with our eyes closed. It wasn’t my favorite, but I can see how it would work at keeping you awake and alert.

Monks aren’t able to prepare their own meals so they go out into the community to get their food. We weren’t in an area of a community, so we gave them rice. After giving them their food we sat down and they said a “prayer” to bless us. I feel like I am talking in “Christian terms” as that is the only way I know how to relate many of the things that happened. After giving alms, the monks spoke more about how they eat to fulfill hunger, not for pleasure. So it doesn’t matter what the people give them as long as it gives them strength and energy! The monk said they are not vegetarian, but they are not meat eaters, they are whatever the people give them.

After giving food to the monks we were able to eat breakfast, which consisted of rice soup and toast. A heavy rice soup isn’t what I am use to in the morning, so I stuck with the toast! I enjoy saying the “prayer” before we eat, about not eating for pleasure, not overeating, etc. Granted I have a long way to go before I don’t eat for pleasure, I think being aware is the first step.

We then had time for discussion. We sat in a circle and each explained how the retreat was going for us, what difficulties we were facing, etc. The majority of us faced the problem of clearing our mind, but all thought that acknowledging our mind was cluttered was an improvement in itself. The monk suggested with more and more practice it becomes easier (just like anything else).

After our discussion we had a quick break before our last session of meditation. Again we did some walking and sitting meditation but we also did meditation with beads. I had never seen this before, but we held a necklace of beads, closed our eyes (mindfully of course) and counted the beads. It was the first time on the retreat I felt like I was getting somewhere. I felt VERY relaxed and didn’t feel my mind wandering as much. I think this might be something that would work for me in the future!

We had lunch (something with rice and..well I have no clue, but there was guava so I had some of that!) and then headed back. Now I am not going to come back home in love with meditation. Granted we were only there for 2 days and I know you need a lot more time to really grasp the idea, BUT, I did find that I am more aware, which I love. I am more aware of what I do, why I do it and especially of my thoughts. I had NO idea how much I think and how much my mind wanders. I KNOW it will take a while before I can clear my mind, but the fact that I am even acknowledging that my mind is working like crazy is a step in the right direction.

I have appreciated getting “away” from life in the sense that for this meditation trip and my weekend trip I didn’t have a laptop, cell phone, etc. etc. It felt very freeing not to be checking emails, facebook, etc. but I found it a bit sad that it almost stressed me out coming back to it all. I had so many emails, blogs to catch up on, etc. I guess my point being it was so nice to appreciate the simplicity of life.

Hugs and kisses from Buddha!